The true story of love has many more chapters: FB Memories May 6

There is certainly an unexpected symmetry to these memories--a crossing over of multiple synchronicities. There are ideas that recurrently trouble us, were troubling us then and they also seem likely to continue to trouble us recurrently to arbitrary unconscious triggers like, in this case, the coincidence of dates. 

The similarities, the synchronicities and so on, are only so if we notice them. Non-observation of any kind, whether it is the non-observation of scripture, the non-sensual imperception of things, the things that happen but are so far from consciousness that they do not even ruffle a hair of our heads as they pass by, equal the non-existence of synchronicity. It is just another name for a meaningful memory. An uddīpana if you will. 

At any rate, the "guru issue" appears to be a recurrent preoccupation.

Three years ago

I was just admonished by Param Gurudeva Bhaktivinoda Thakur (and by others):

সংসারের স্থূল উন্নতি বা অবনতির বিষয়ে আমরা সম্পূর্ণ উদাসীন, কিন্তু সংসারগত জীৱনিচয়ের পরমার্থতত্ত্বে উন্নতি সম্বন্ধে আমরা স্বভাবতঃ ব্যস্ত । এমত কি, সমস্ত জীবনসুখে জলাঞ্জলি দিয়া ভ্রাতৃগণের আত্মোন্নতি সম্বন্ধে আমরা সর্বদা চেষ্টান্বিত থাকি । পতিত ভ্রাতাদিগকে সংসারকূপ হইতে উদ্ধার করা বৈষ্ণবদিগের প্রধান কর্ম ।

"We are completely indifferent to the gross development or deterioration of mundane society. But we are naturally busy working for the spiritual progress of souls who are in the world, to the extent that we are ready to sacrifice all the joys of life to try to see our brothers [and sisters] make spiritual progress. To lift our brothers [and sisters] who have fallen into the deep well of material life is the principal work of a Vaishnava."

Kr̥ṣṇa-saṁhitā Introduction.

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Six years ago

Prabhupada: "Every old man should engage a man to read the news. This is the old aristocratic system."

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Seven years ago

I just read this in Hrishikesh's article on the Zonal Acharyas period.

Prabhupada: You become guru, but you must be qualified first of all. Then you become [guru]. . . . What is the use of producing some rascal guru?

I realized in flash that this is the instruction I have been following all this time.

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The necessities I need

The screen ostentatiously lets me know
another minute has passed
a Western minute
a globalized minute
telling me to worry that time is passing by,
that something is missing, 

something is missing!
It is time to get something done!

The necessities I need 

necessitate something getting done!

What time is it?
Is it cosmic time?
Is it soul time?
It is urgent, so hurry up and wait!

---

Purva Raga

When we think of love’s most beautiful moments,
they are usually pūrva-rāga moments.
Which is true and correct,
for the birthplace of love is a tirtha
that should be visited often

to take its sweet waters as a holy bath,
to drink them as a sacramental wine,
and to rehearse the liturgy of that avatar of love
until it is the one language that you know.

For one returns often to that fording site
for shelter, to remember that first sweetness
in moments that are both sweet and bitter.
The true story of love has many more chapters.

And each chapter asks:
Was the attraction strong enough?
Was its conception immaculate?
Was it pure enough to sustain the sādhana of Love?

 
And if you have the good fortune
to experience pūrva rāga again
after misfortunes in love,
then savor it. Savor it and let it trail off
into infinity without any knowledge
of anything but a flowing faith in its inevitability.

Savor it until it melts into
the eternal myth of romance,
into the holy rasa ocean of Radha Shyam.

Let the minds melt into one another
before the bodies touch.
Let Love’s birthplace be numinous, a Vrindavan
in the midst of flutes and flowers and fairytales.

Look at love from the peak of Govardhan,
from the vantage point of Goloka.

And here on earth, decorate the birthplace of love with patience,
and build the foundation of the temple slowly,
in expectation of many happy returns.

So says Jagat:
Melt the mind with Love’s steady selfless flame:
The imprint of God’s face will forever there remain.

* * *

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Eight years ago

I have been thinking over the last few days of my internet and FB activity. I have been receiving a lot of private criticism from close friends.

 
I don't know why I have come to adopt this life of self-exposure on the internet -- some deep frailties and needs, no doubt. Most people value their privacy, whereas I have come to think that my navel, which is the sum total of my personal interest, even to the inclusion of its lint and other detritus, could be of interest to others.

I have justified it, and you may have seen me say it, in relation to being or becoming a "guru." There is a lurking ambition, that has accompanied me since I first became a devotee, to become a guru. And yet, so far, I have been saved from this fate by the public exposure of my navel lint. One of my friendly critics wrote,

"ACBS cursed you when he said, 'Become a guru.' He must have hated your guts. Being a guru in this world is a sure way to ruin your life and anyone else you come in contact with. Most of us don't have the ability to avoid the corruption that comes along with that kind of power over people. The most successful shamans and holy people in this world were those who had their position forcefully thrust upon them. You can't choose, and you can't be elected and hope to go anywhere except down. Do yourself a favor and forget it."

Of course, being a guru for me does not mean sitting in a high seat while others fan and adulate and kowtow while I spout esoteric sounding words of wisdom, whether my own or just repeated phrases from ancient books or recent sadhus. It means to me just one thing -- actually attaining a loving state of grace whereby I become of use to others in their search for spiritual meaning. But that may be a false distinction.

Anyway, I use this public exposure as a kind of prophylactic, a warning to all those who would be guru. It is a kind of way of saying to the world, "Who am I kidding?" Look at me: I can bullshit as well as the rest of them, but don't let me fool you: This is the confused and pitiful reality of my human existence--just the same struggle as everyone else.

It is, however, time to take a break from this rather odd approach to life. It is hard to keep starting over, but from time to time God sends you back to the drawing board. Let it be.

---

Work Ethic

I am still living in the hope I can maybe get a work ethic,
as though working was everything:
Diving so deep
into some realm of human experience
that samādhi ensues.

The one and same pull as the pull of vairāgya
and indifference to all
but the One Truth,
wherever It may pull us at the time.

And so, I chop my day like wood
and designate each moment:
here is this and here is that, and there is work --
but the ends, the ends are still so far away,
not even always clear.

So when I work I often just sit there in my work space,
If I sleep I sleep, if I feel the need to read something unrelated, I do.
Whatever else, just stay in the work space.
That's my theory and my practice -- ain't worked so far.

But keep banging your head and eventually something will stick.
Pray for inspiration when it is creative,
for patience when it is boring,
and for faith in the ends that God has put before you.

And do bhajan in your sacred bhajan place.
And do your bhajan at your sacred bhajan time.
And say to hell with the world,
we are going to this
one transcendental destination.

If we cannot have the fantasy within the world of reality,
then let us find Reality in the world of fantasy.
Perhaps in some different universe, a future life,
these worlds will collide, and like atom bombs
illumination will ensue.

---

Nine years ago (Gīta Govinda Prabandha 24)

ali-kula-gañjana-sañjanakaṁ
rati-nāyaka-sāyaka-mocane |
tvad-adhara-cumbana-lambita-kajjalam
ujjvalaya priya locane ||18||

Staining with a blackness that shames the bees,
brighten my eyes, my dear, with collyrium;
Your lips have smeared the lines and so
impede the release of Cupid's arrows.