Jagat

I realized that Madhavananda is still with me, despite my having spoken of him twice in the past several days. There is a deep vexation in my mind, of which I need to speak. This feeling has several parts and is in some need of analysis. *** At the root of it is a deep sadness that he did not love Radha and Krishna like I do. That he did not love the devotees, even the most kanishtha among them, that he did not love Vrindavan, Govardhan and Radha Kund, despite the thick overlay of rajas and tamo-gunas that are such an obstacle to that love. That he did not love us enough to recognize that we loved him. Yes, it is all very well and good to talk siddhanta, but the real problem was, as he himself seems to have recognized, in the area of emotional fitness. But even there, I am still saddened by the fact that there was not enough love to keep him around. Ah well, enough said. Madhava is Radharani’s own dasi, and if he wants to avoid that truth for another lifetime or two, let him. Let him...

On reflection I thought I should be a little more sympathetic to Madhavananda’s case in view of my own experience. From 1985, the time I left any external manifestation of Krishna consciousness, right up until I came onto the internet and started interacting again with devotees, in other words for at least seven or eight years, I went through a period that could be called a crisis of faith. During that entire time I was engaged in various kinds of intellectual processes, as well as a kind of unconscious processing, in which I underwent a reevaluation of my previous experiences and so on. Of course I never subscribed to another religion. Even so, when my son was born, I made the rather fateful decision to have him brought up Catholic. Looking back on it now, whatever reasons I gave for that decision at the time, it would seem that subconsciously it was a prediction that I would not stay with my family. That is rather a harsh conclusion to come to, but it is the only one that makes sense...

I just got back to Rishikesh after nearly three weeks in Mayapur and Vrindavan. I was not able to get online for anything but the most perfunctory of functions. So although I heard the news about Madhavananda some time ago, I have not been able to comment. Perhaps it is for the best, as it has given some time for reflection and also to watch the reaction of others, particular of Advaita and those who posted on his blog. I read most of Madhavananda's rationale and his response to the fallout. No doubt, there are many people who are feeling puzzled and saddened by this event. I must admit that I was not altogether surprised. When I saw Madhava in Radha Kund, I embraced him and told him that I had complete faith in him and that Krishna would guide him. I feel a little sad that he did not open up to me more then, as if indeed we are as good friends as Advaita seems to think we are, it would have been nice to go over some of these issues with him. In fact, it is not unlikely that I may ...

Sorry, friends, for not posting much of late. As usual, there are many beginnings, but most don't pass the editor's desk. This post was begun on the 16th. I am posting on the 21st, so there are mixed time references. ================= Interesting day, yesterday. First a lengthy class and discussion with Satyanarayana Dasa, and then a visit to Haridas Shastri. I spent the earlier part of the day indulging in my greatest distraction and perhaps the bane of my existence, typing a book, the Sarva-siddhānta-saṅgraha , attributed to Shankaracharya, but clearly not. Even here, in the section on Nyaya, the following verse is found— varaṁ vṛndāvane ramye śṛgālatvaṁ vṛṇomy aham vaiśeṣikokta-mokṣāt tu sukha-leśa-vivarjitāt 40 yo veda-vihitair yajṣair īśvarasya prasādataḥ mūrcchām icchati yatnena pāṣāṇavad avasthitim 41 I prefer to be a jackal in the beautiful land of Vrindavan rather than accept the liberation of the Vaiseshikas, which is without even a drop of happiness. By...

I am sad to learn that Malati Devi, the wife of Madhavananda Dasji, has apparently fallen seriously ill and been taken to the hospital for an operation. Unfortunately, Madhavananda has not been answering emails, probably due to preoccupation with taking care of her, and as I am not in contact with anyone who can provide me more information, I cannot pass anything more than this along. I had the opportunity to spend time with Madhavananda and Malati in Radha Kunda a couple of years ago and they are as sweet a couple of devotees as God has had the good grace to place on this earth. Malati's constitution has always been delicate and the two of them kept to a diet that was ascetic and frugal. I know that Radharani has enveloped both Madhava and Malati in her love and has much service planned for them both. I pray with all sincerity that Malati quickly recovers and returns to serving Gaur and Nitai and the Divine Couple in Radha Kund. Jai Parama Karunamayi Sri Radhe!