विपदः सन्तु ताः

I did a lot of stuff on the weekend--I read, I updated or finished six or seven files on the GGM, I helped U. finish her dissertation. But I did it all in a state of tamo-guna consciousness. I did most of it sitting in front of the TV, deadening myself to my self.

U.'s thesis is about sankirtan. I was reminded of that Sridhar Maharaj quote someone once posted on GD--"The essence of love lives by distribution; not by absorbtion, but by distribution. That is love. Prema is that which exists by its tendency of distribution, and that is the highest."

And that is what I am NOT doing. Even though I may flatter myself that I am not doing nothing, it is almost as if.

I woke up this morning singing the verse--


vipadaḥ santu tāḥ śaśvattatra tatra jagad-gurobhavato darśanaṁ yat syātapunar bhava-darśanam

It is one of the very first verses I ever learned. But it really summarizes, I guess, the Mahabharata's teachings. (Since the Bhagavata is a supplement or appendix to the MBh, the First Canto kind of resumes what the author of BhP thinks you should have gotten out of it.)

O Jagad Guro! Spiritual Master of the Universe! May there always be dangers! For wherever danger exists, there we see you. And by seeing you, we will never have to see this material existence again.

The point being that we are engaged in a constant process of education, given to us by God, who is the Guru. Therefore, by accepting the challenges of life, by accepting the dangers, we learn God's lessons more quickly than we do by remaining safe, holed up in our garrisons. That is what Jesus also meant by the story of the talents and the servants who buried them, and those who invested them. The investors, the riskers, were the ones who were pleasing in his eyes.

Love is always a risky business. Mainly because when you love, you have to give of yourself. The Upanishads say that a kripana, a miser, has to come back into the material world again and again. Prabhupada trained us to think of giving even when we had very little. And then we became afraid (as is quite natural) and started thinking--I don't have enough to give, so how can I? I must accumulate--knowledge, wealth, bhakti, sadhana, experience, whatever. Practically everything except love itself.

And where are we now? Sitting on a pile of ashes. Unless you are actively, person to person, giving the gifts you have received, your accumulations are ephemeral. The only thing that will really be left you on your deathbed is the love you have given.

I was talking to Kutichak on the phone Saturday. He really misses me coming up and visiting on the weekends. I said to him again what I have probably already said here before: "Prabhupada showed us how to die. He had the most glorious death I have ever heard of. If I can die with even just one person singing the Holy Name in my ear with love and gratitude (or even better, singing Sri Rupa Manjari Pada), then I will measure that as a sign that my life was a success."

It sounds almost trivial, stupid even. But that is a fact. The Catholics know this, with their Extreme Unction. Mother Theresa knew this. But there is a difference between the succour given the sinner by a priest and the love given by those who come with gratitude, repaying spontaneously the gifts of love they have received.

Gurudeva! Please let me learn to give! I am nearing the last phase of my life, and what have I given back of the gifts I have received? I have buried them in a corner of my garden and left them there, waiting for you to come and claim them. I have understood nothing of Your Truth.

Radhe ! Radhe !