A Positive Alternative (Part III) :: Gadadhar Pran Das

 

A Positive Alternative

(Part Three)

Vishnupriya's Astakala Lilas with Gaurasundar

Gadadhar Pran Das, gadadhar_das000@yahoo.co.in

        Srimati Jahnava Thakurani              Sri Gaura-Govinda            Srimati Vishnupriya devi

As Thakura Bhaktivinoda's guru parampara begins with Vishnupriya devi, this essay's third and culminating Part will give some idea about what it can be like to be her sakhi or dasi. Yet because both of these seva moods are available in this parivara, its members may choose either mood (or both) to carry out Vishupriya and Gauranga's Astakala seva in Goloka Navadvipa.

Priyaji's Rasa tattva

Although Radharani's glories have been extensively narrated by our Vraja Goswamis under Caitanya Mahaprabhu's guidance, Prabhu let Vishnupriya's topic remain untold. So we may wonder: was it to keep his most confidential pastimes hidden that Priyaji's glories still remain a mystery today? Hence only the rasika bhaktas whom Priyaji specifically favours can enter the hidden realm of her madhura pastimes with Gauranga. Yet it is by the mercy of Vishnupriya's priya disciple and rasika bhakta, Vamsivadan, that the members of Bhaktivinoda's guru parampara fortune to receive this very rare privilege.

Now it can be said that although Radha and Vishnupriya are one tattva and non-different, Priyaji's glories extend beyond Radha's – as her premamaya pastimes with Gaurasundar represent the culmination (parisistha) of Radha's madhura lilas with Shyamsundar. For in Goloka Navadvipa there are newer and newer forms of divine mellows and rasa relish that were previously not available in Vraja.

Before Radha could advent in Navadvipa, however, she first appeared as Satyabama in Dwaraka, as she wanted to be married with Krishna too. Hence in Radha's culminating lila with Gaura-Govinda, although she has both a parakiya and svakiya mood, we regret that in the limited space of Part Three only a brief glimpse of her parakiya pastimes can be presented. 

The Lila Begins

Perhaps readers can remember that we were doing guru puja to the members of Bhaktivinoda's manjari paravara in Part One. Then the worship concluded in the puja of our Sampradaya Acarya Ananga Manjari when she was standing beside Krishna and Radha in the yoga-pitha's central whorl.

 But after serving in Vraja lila for some time, what often happens is that by Yogamaya's arrangement we become transported back to Goloka Navadvipa to take part in the same pastimes there. This is a common practice in raga marga lila smaran: that the bhaktas travel back and forth between Navadvipa and Vraja – as the two lila realms are just like two adjoining rooms of one house.

 So upon seeing Ananga Manjari return to become Jahnava, our Navadvipa svarupas all manifest before her – as we find ourselves sitting in Nitaicanda's sunstone jeweled palace in the dhama's southeast side. Here it can be noted that our parivara members reside in palatial palaces (surrounded by lush gardens) within Nityananda's huge estate – just south of his beautiful mansion.

Ramai then addresses Jahnava: "O gurudevi! We have a desire to complete our guru puja. So will you kindly escort us to the abode where Vamsivadan resides." (Although Ramai is Vamsi's second avatara, and knows very well where he lives, he requests Jahnava to lead the way as he wants everyone to follow in her footsteps.)

 As Jahnava escorts us out of the western gate of Nitai's immense garden abode we head up a gradual sloping hill towards Gauranga's breathtaking mansion. Although this palace is surrounded by high golden walls with four entrances in the four directions, Jahnava leads us to a secret passage instead in its southwest wall – for she knows that on the other side lies Vishnupriya and Laksmipriya's gupta Vrindaban abode.

 When Jahnava knocks on the secret passage's door, it opens, and there we find Vamsivadan standing in a room glistening with gems. Aho! Vamsi falls like a rod to reverentially take the dust from Jahnava's lotus feet! (Although Vamsivadan is a senior parampara member, he gives special homage to Jahnava in that she is Nityananda's sakti and Isvari tattva.)

 After Vamsi cordially seats Jahnava upon a comfortable raised seat, she requests him: "O Vamsi! As you are Priyaji's priya patro (dearest servitor) please allow your parampara members the chance to worship your lotus feet. Because only by your blessings will they be able to meet Priyaji and take part in her gupta Vrindaban pastimes with Gaura."

Vamsivadan doesn't hesitate and surrenders to Jahnava's request. Thus the puja begins. But it is astonishing, that a gorgeously decorated Vyasasana suddenly appears for Vamsi to sit upon. "So could this be a display of Jahnava's amazing sakti, " we curiously wonder?

But then an even greater miracle takes place: for as we line up to perform Vamsivadan's guru puja we see him turn into an exquisitely stunning Nadiya nagari! But that is not all, because as each parivara member takes their own turn to worhip her, their male form turns into a glamorous female form!

 "O just see how Vamsi's blessings have started to manifest," Jahnava remarks. "Because without your assuming these prakriti forms Priyaji's darshan wouldn't be possible."

 When the puja is completed, Vamsi nagari exclaims: "Well, it looks like we are all ready to go inside. Come, please follow me."

 But wow! Upon opening the diamond-studded door the whole place seems to be vibrating with a soothing golden effulgence!

"Welcome to Priyaji's Prema dhama," Vamsi-nagari exclaims. "For indeed, this celestial abode has a special loving touch about it – as if Srimati herself is personally present here – in the Kunda, in every tree and creeper and within everything else in this wonder place."

Now we should explain Vamsi-nagari's special role, for in Vraja, just as she also has a vana-devi svarupa like Vrinda devi, named Murala devi, here too, she acts like a caretaker of Priyaji's Gupta Vrindaban forest. For she has the sakti to make all of the six seasonal flowers bloom, cause the cooling Malayan breezes to blow, and fill the entire atmosphere with a fairy-like enchanting mirth. And now she will take us on a tour around Priyaji's Kunda just before she surrenders us before her Pranesvari's lotus feet.

Thus as prema overwhelms Vamsi nagari, she points her finger and elatedly exclaims: "Aho! Priyaji's Kunda is breathtaking to behold! On its four banks precious gemstone steps lead to four jeweled ghatas that beautify the water's edge – and above the stairways there are attractive moonstone pavilions for sitting. In the water amongst cranes, flamingos and swans we find five kinds of lotus: raktopala (red), hemambuja (yellow), pundarika (pink), kalahara (white) and indibara (blue).

As Vamsi-nagari goes on describing the wonderful splendor of Vishnupriya's Kunda, I simply marvel at its beauty and contemplate: "O how did we get here? We must certainly be the most fortunate to receive the privilege to enter this surreal abode which is never seen even by Gauranga's closest bhaktas. And very soon our Vamsi-sakhi will introduce us to Vishnupriya devi whose darshan is very rare and even more difficult to achieve. So how can we ever repay the great favor that Vamsi sakhi is bestowing upon us? For we shall forever remain indebted to her." 

 

The Asta Keli Kunjas

"Now come this way, "Vamsi-nagari next exclaims. "For let us take darshan of Priyaji's asta sakhi nikunjas." Thus heading to the Kunda's eastern shore she points to exclaim: "Here is Sukeshi Sakhi's Vicitra-ananda-da Kunja where the trees, vines, pathways and even the birds and bees are multicolored. This is where Gaura, Vishnupriya and the sakhis come to enjoy playing luka-curi (hide and seek). Sukeshi was previously Radha's renowned sakhi Citra.

Coming to the Kunda's southeast corner Vamsi-sakhi next says: "This is the Purnendu Kunja of Vishnupriya's dearest sakhi Candra kala. O just see how everything is a sparkling white color here. And similarly, the cottages, courtyards, vedis and pavilions are all crafted from moonstone, as the flowers all belong to the white species. After jala keli (water sporting in the Kunda) this is where everyone comes to be dressed in flower apparel. Candrikala is Radha's celebrated sakhi Indulekha.

 

Arriving on the Kunda's southern shore Vamsi nagari shows us Manohara Sakhi's amazing Manohara-ananda-da Kunja. Since the earth is a beautiful golden color, one might guess that for this reason the trees latas, flowers and everything else here has taken on a charming golden hue. This kunja has a large kitchen and bhojan bedi for dining. Thus Guara, Vishnupriyaji and her sakhis often come here to enjoy a delicious mid-day feast prepared by the cooking acarya Manohara and her sakhi assistants. Manohara happens to be Campakalata, one of Radha's dearest sakhis.

When coming to the Kunda's southwestshore we enter Sakhi Vishnupriya's Sukhada-prada kunja where everything is shyam colored. One can see dark tamal trees everywhere which have shyam-colored flowers latas entwining within their branches. Here the mandira's, cottages, vedis and pavilions are inlaid with blue-sapphire gemstones. It is here that everyone comes to take rest and enjoy a casual mid-day nap with Gaurasundar. Because Sakhi Vishnupriya looks almost like Vishnupriya the sakhis call her Sakhi Vishnpriya. She is Radha's intimate sakhi Ranga-devi in Vraja. 

Vamsi-nagari next brings us to the Kunda's western shore where we find Prema-latika Sakhi's Prema-sukhada Kunja. By Priyaji's desire everything here is a lovely crimson color. Thus in many places the ground is inlaid with rubies in a variety of interesting designs and shapes. The sakhi's love to bring Prabhu and Priyaji here where the sukas and saris (male and female parrots) recite amusing poetry which describe their form, qualities and glories. Premalatika was previously Radha's  most talented dancer named Tungavidya. Hence she also displays her dancing talents for Gaura and Vishnupriya's pleasure.

As Vamsi-sakhi next bring us to the Kunda's northwest shore, we enter Sura-sundari Sakhi's marvelous kunja named Sura-sukha-da where everything is a splendid green color. Hence the kutiras, pathways, vedis and pavilions here are all inlaid with emeralds. This is the renowned site for Gaura and Vishnupriya's pasa-khela, (an amazing dice game that they play on a board where betting is at stake). Sura-sundari is Radha's dear sakhi Sudevi.

When Vamsi-nagari leads us to the Kunda's northern shore, we discover Kanchana Sakhi's immense bower named Kanchana-ananda-da Kunja. We simply marvel to see its intricate design which resembles an eight petaled lotus. In the center is a courtyard that can expand or contract according to the lila's demands – and within the courtyard is a svarna mandira which emanates a golden effulgence that soothes everyone's mind and senses. In each of the eight-petaled lotus' sub-kunjas a different lila takes place. Kanchana is Radha's leading sakhi Lalita.

After visiting all of these kunjas, however, we start to wonder: "Where has everyone gone? For we couldn't find a single sakhi anywhere!"

But since Vamsi-sakhi can understand our thoughts, she mercifully explains the mystery: "O sakhis! Don't be doubtful," she says. "For this is the time that everyone goes to meet in the yoga-pitha-mandira. This we will find in Amita Sakhi's madan-sukhada Kunja which we haven't visited yet. So would you like to go there?"

 

"O, but can you wait just a minute, sakhi Vamsi!" says Jahnava. "Shouldn't you first explain to our parivara members how they are to execute the yoga-pitha puja?"

 

"O yes, everyone must know this," Vamsi-nagari replies. "But let me go to inform Srimati that you will be coming. Then after I secure her permission and blessings, I'll be right back."

As we watch Vamsi-sakhi swiftly enter Amita Sakhi's bower and disappear into a small and obscure looking mandira we become curious: "How could Srimati and her limitless sakhi varga all fit in there?"

But Jahnava then speaks to clear our doubts. "O priya sakhis!", she exclaims. "Are you not aware that the yoga pitha mandira's splendor and opulence is matchless? It is to keep outsiders from discovering this that its outside portion takes on an ordinary appearance."

While we wait for Vamsi sakhis return, we see a flowering yuthi lata in Lalita's kunja, and go to sit down there. For its fragrance is simply amazing!

When Vamsi-nagari returns in a short time, however, her face is beaming: "O sakhis!" she informs us. "Today we have been greatly favored by Providence – for Priyaji is ready to accept your puja offering! And what is more, Laksmipriya has even joyfully agreed that Jahnava can stand in her place today. So when Jahnava will reign in the yoga-pitha's karnika (center) she can easily explain how you can do the puja."

Rasa Analysis

 In the yoga-pitha-puja that Gaudiya Vaisnavas traditionally practice the Panca-tattva stand in the center; Vishnupriya and Laksmipriya are not there. Therefore, it is certainly a remarkable display of Priyaji's apara karuna (incredible mercy) that Thakura Bhaktivinoda was able to discover another yoga pitha at Sridhama Mayapura which is equally worshipable. Thus on the central altar of the yoga pitha mandira which he established we find Laksmipriya, Gaura and Vishnupriya reigning in the center. Yet here we can ask: Who can understand the great significance of what should take place in the yoga pitha? Because Laksmipriya, Gaura and Vishnupriya are certainly not alone – for are they not surrounded by their countless sakhis who are the Nadiya nagaris? So this leads to another remarkable discovery: that Gauranga's worship in Thakura Bhaktivinoda's oringal guru parivara naturally culminates in nagari bhava bhajan.

In addition, here we can also learn that although Laksmipriya stands on Gaura's right side during the yoga pithi's puja, she often allows Jahnava the chance to take her place. This is due to both Laksmipriya's great magnanimity, and the deep admiration and love that she has for Jahnava.

Our Dasi bhava for Vishnupriya

Now perhaps it will be interesting to tell about how we fit into these pastimes. We can remember from Part Two that Jiva Goswami was explaining how the bhaktas can serve in a variety of different forms, each having a separate mentality, in different lila realms. So this siddhanta will ideally fit in here because Gauranga's pastimes with Vishnupriya unfold in a separate realm from the lilas he relishes with the bhaktas. Hence to take part in them we will need a separate form to do so. And this was previously demonstrated during Vamsivadan's guru puja, when everyone changed over from a male svarupa to a female svarupa, including Vamsi.

 In our case, the beautiful nagari svarupa that we serve in is named Padma priya – and she is slightly older than our manjar svarupa whom we were telling you about in Part One's story. To ideally serve Piryaji Padma priya has a few sakhi-assistants, and their names are Rasika priya, Rasa vinodini, Prema Sindhu and Suruci. 

When Vamsi-nagari leads us to the yogo pitha mandira we discover that Jahnava was right. Because although it appears to be small and ordinary from the outside – when stepping inside we become startled – for the immense area is surely hundreds of times larger! Moreover, the glamorous effulgences of the limitless sakhis makes everything shimmer – and it gives us the impression that they  are indeed Svayam Bhagavan's topmost consorts – as they are truly the most beautiful women in the three worlds!

But we then notice one goddess who stands out amongst the others. So as Vamsi-nagari ushers us past hundreds of other glamorous women we marvel at her unique charm and beauty. Thus arriving at the yoga-pitha's karnika (central whorl) we reverentially stand before Vishnupriya devi with folded hands to honor her exalted position. This is when Vamsi-sakhi whispers: "Now you may recite this pranama mantra as you bow before the Divine couple:

sriman navadvipa kishora candra, ha natha visvambhara nagarendra

ha sacinandana citta cora, prasida he vishnupriyesa gaura 

"O hey handsome moon-like-kishora of Navadvipa! O most beloved Vishvambhara! O Sacinandan! Although you are the greatest romantic and steal everyone's patience – we simply know you as Vishnupriya's golden Pranesvara!"

 [In Part One as we explained how Yogamaya arranges that every sakhi see the lila from her own perspective and receive a leading role, now let us follow Padma priya to view the upcoming pastimes from her vantage point.]

 When falling to offer my pranama, the thought comes: "Whose shelter should I seek first, Vishnupriya or Gaura's? But my heart naturally goes to Vishnupriya devi, as I place my soft palms over her Sri carana kamal.

 But then I hear a soft voice utter: "O na, na, Padma priya!" Thus looking up in a startle I see that Priyaji is affectionately glancing at me, as she goes on to say: "Please take my Pranesara's shelter first."

 In hearing Priyaji utter my name, I simply melt, as I wonder: "How could she recognize me amongst her millions of sakhi followers?"

 [This is something noteworthy found in Bhaktivinoda's guru parivara. Because its members are directly linked through mantra diksa to Vishnupriya, Vamsivadan, Jahnava and Ananga Manjari, they naturally show a special compassion and affection for us.]

Then when Vamsi-sakhi hands me a golden tray filled with puja articles, Jahnava instructs: "O Padma priya! Now you may take eight Tulasi, dip them in aguru-candan, and place them over Gauranga's lotus feet while uttering this mantra: 

klim gopi-jana-ballabhayah svaha 

Now we may ask, "Why is Gauranga being worshiped with Krishna's ten-syllable Gopal mantra?" But this is the mantra that Vishnupriya first initiated Vamsivadan with for a reason: Before taking sannyasa Prabhu once told Priyaji: "Now you may worship Sri Krishna in my place!" But Vishnupirya didn't like this instruction because she loves her svami Gauranga much more. So to maintain her Svami-devata's order, and satisfy her own desire, Vishnupriya started worshiping Gauranga with Krishna's mantra.

As Jahnava instructs her, Padma priya completes Gaura's puja with panca upacara: incense, a lamp, flowers, scents and a bhoga offering. Then she worships Vishnupriya in a similar way. But as she goes to worship Jahnava, she declines to receive it by saying: "O Padma priya! Haven't you already worshiped me today in Vrindaban's yoga-pitha where I was Ananga Manjari? So instead, let me introduce you to Vishnupriya's astasakhis whom you may worship next."

A wonder then takes place, however; although everyone clearly sees Jahnava standing beside Gaura and Vishnupriya in the yoga-pitha's karnika, I fortune to see her leading me in the worship of all Priyaji's dearest sakhis!

 

Maha Rasa Sankirtana 

But after everyone completes their puja an even greater miracle takes place: the yoga-pitha's karnika suddenly turns into a puspa ratha (flower-decorated chariot) – and therein we see Jahnava, Gaura and Vishnupriya comfortably seated upon a flower-decorated singhasana! And that is when Vamsi-nagari takes up a big fluffy camara to fan them.

But aho! Coming out of nowhere a whole brigade of seva dasis wearing dazzling yellow outfits and multicolored turbins suddenly show up to pull the ratha! And when it starts moving Kanchana Sakhi takes over to lead a soul-stirring kirtana. Everything happens so swiftly, however, that millions of sakhis are simply left spellbound as they view Yogamaya's superb arrangement!

When the puspa ratha arrives at the Kunda's shore, it takes a right turn to proceed along the Kunda's parikrama marga. Yet now the sankirtana has reached a crescendo as millions of sakhis join the procession to sing their hearts out. O my! The melodious vibration has such a powerful impact that it reaches svarga (the heavenly planets) to alert the devatas! And thus they swiftly come flying to the venue with their devi-wives in celestial aeroplanes to musingly watch the sankirtana from the clouds. Then they start showering flower petals from above.

Meanwhile, as Vishnupriya signals a select sakhi who is dear, she starts dancing before the Divine couple while singing a solo – as countless sakhis back her up to sing the song's chorus. But what a fantastic exhibition – for Jahnava, Gaura and Vishnupriya simply watch with unblinking eyes! But then Gaura assumes a prakasa murti to dance beside her! And this inspires the sakhi to perform even better. Thus Prabhu cannot resist the temptation to carry her away to the vilasa kunjas!

During Sankirtana Maha Rāsa Priyaji's dasis surround the leading performers to play numerous instruments. And this is when I take up an alavani vena. But after watching the sakhis act out dramas with descriptive hand mudras, Priyaji personally requests Jahnava to enter the center stage. So now I want to perform at my best – since I feel indebted to Jahnava for all of the loving care and affection that she has shown to me. Thus I motion to Rasika priya, Rasa vinodini, Prema Sindhu and Suruci to help me back-up Jahnava.

Before beginning, however, Jahnava looks over to her didi Vishupriya with folded hands to feelingly seek her blessings. Then her stunning rasamaya glance goes to Gaurasundar – as she wants to completely surrender herself for his utmost pleasure. Here it is noteworthy that because Jahnava is a true rasikā who is often more willing in romantic affairs than her sakhi Vishnupriya, Gaurasundar takes a special fancy in her. For actually speaking, Jahnava's beautiful form is the medium within which Nitai's inner desires to relish madhura piriti rasa become satiated.

Not wasting another moment then Jahnava bursts with lightning speed into the limelight as everyone's eyes turn to her! And after surrounding her we provide an incredibly swift rolling tala (beat). Although countless sakhis are assisting with their excellent orchestra ensemble and chorus we remain the closest – just to make sure that her performance becomes ideally enhanced.

As Jahnava sings her own composition in a voice that would put the heavenly desires to shame, her bodily movements are supremely attractive. Thus Nadiya's transcendental Cupid Madanmohan Gora cannot help but leap from his vantage point to land dancing right beside her! Wow! This is really interesting to watch up close – as they gaze eye to eye and become completely enthralled! Then Gaurasundar moves in closer to kiss her and transfer the pan he was chewing into her mouth. Upon noticing me, however, Jahnava feigns disinterest in Gaura's charity and lets the pan slip from her lips. Thus I quickly fetch the maha maha prasada and tuck it within my blouse.

Now it appears that Gaurasundar and Jahnava are dancing farther and farther away from the crowd, and as I look back it suddenly dawns upon us (our sakhi assistants and I) that we are the only ones left to accompany them! Yet this brings to mind how Krishna would leave the Rasa mandala and millions of sakhi consorts to enjoy intimate pastimes with Radha – and now Gaura is enacting that same lila with Jahnava.

But after informing our sakhis that perhaps we should leave them to enjoy alone, Jahnava stops me to exclaim: "O Padma priya! We love your performance, so please remain with us as you can sing about our yugal milan."

"Yes, that we can do," I reply. So as Gaura starts to pick flowers to attractively decorate Jahnava's hair, we select those verses from the Bhagavatam's Rāsa lila narration that describes Krishna's zeal to decorate Radha. And after putting them into music and song they nicely fit the occasion. For this transports Jahnava and Gaura to the Vraja rasa which they relish in Nadiya.

In fact in hearing our rasa-sangita they take to dancing! And now as Gaura points to various forest sights as he dances – hand in hand, arm in arm, and cheek to cheek – with his preyasi Jahnava we sing about these scenes which are similarly found in the Bhagavatam's  vana vihara narration.

In this way our Divine couple arrive (at last) before a vilasa bhavan nestled under a flowering tamal tree. And when coming to the kunja's entrance Jahnava stops to address us: "O how can I thank you for the wonderful seva you have performed; for you inspire me to offer something nice to you."

But when Gaurasundar takes her hand to escort her inside, Jahnava suddenly remembers something, and looks back to me with a smile: "O don't forget to enjoy the bitika*," she says.

  

Our Kāntā-bhava Seva to Gaurasundar 

In Nadiya's madhura rasa bhajan there are basically two moods: the dasi bhava, when one's love for Vishnupriya is greater, and kāntā bhava, when we love Gauranga the most. Because it is only natural that we attain both of these moods, every jiva has the adhikara to serve as a dasi and as a kāntā in Goloka Navadvipa. 

As Jahnava's last words come to mind, I become eager to savour the prasadi pan that she mercifully saved for me. And since it contains the nectar of both Gaura's and her lips, it will undoubtedly be very special. So as I go to relish it in a secluded place, I come to a flowering madhavi lata and sit down there.

When chewing the bitika, however, I become drowsy and soon fall asleep. Then comes an amazing dream: I see a jewel-like golden purusa enter my bedroom. Yet he is so attractively handsome that I cannot withdraw my eyes from him! And I cannot help but notice that he is equally attracted to me. But when he comes over to fondle my chin and gaze into my eyes – he kisses my lips – and my dream breaks!

"O what happened? O what did I see?" I feelingly exclaim upon awakening in a startle. "For that jewel-like golden purusa has stolen my patience!"

As my cognizance gradually returns, however, I see Vamsivadan sitting beside me – and she has a message: "O Padma priya!" I have been searching for those who become lost during the Maha Rāsā's sankirtana. So now that we have met please come with me – for Srīmati's Vasanta Holi festival will soon being in Kanchana Sakhi's kunja."

"But can you wait just a minute," I request. "For I want to take your good advice."

"O what is that?" Vamsi-sakhi inquires. "I had a wonderful dream where an incredibly handsome golden youth suddenly appeared and kissed me!"

"O yes, yes, please go on," Vamsi continues.

"But that is not all," I exclaim. "For now I cannot forget him, even for a second!"

"O-ho! Welcome to Piriti nagara!" Vamsi-sakhi elatedly exclaims. "For this is the hidden world of Gauranga's romantic pastimes where he secretly meets with his loved ones. And now that you have met him there you will remain every-anxious to see him again."

"O Vamsi sakhi!" I submissively implore, "Can you be my Nadiya nagari bhava prema bhajan guru? O let me take your shelter for only you can lead me into this wonderful prema dhama."

"Perhaps you are right," Vamsi-sakhi answers with a smile. For I can surely help you when the time is right. But for now please come with me to meet Srimati."

As Vamsi-nagari makes a beeline towards Lalita's kunja, I trail behind and float in an ocean of bliss – for how could I forget her solemn promise. Then after we enter the bower she leads me to a hidden cottage. But as the door opens – there we see Vishnupriya – who appears to be waiting for someone!

Now you may take shelter at your Pranesvari's abhaya carana," says Vamsi-sakhi.

Coming face to face with Priyaji her soft golden aura and compassionate eyes are inviting and draw me closer. And as she looks to me with a graceful smile I feel blessed. Yet in failing to estimate her incredible gravity and mature disposition I fall to the ground where I discover my ultimate shelter, her very delicate and lovely Sri carana kamal." "O my!" I consider. "I have never seen feet so beautiful as these! For her effulgent toenails alone appear so much more comforting than countless moons." Then, as I feel Srimati's two palms touch my head, she utters a blessing "Tatasthu, your desire will be fulfilled."

Aho! I can distinctly perceive a downpour of karunamrita as her divine sakti enters my body to awaken sattvic bhavas! I feel reborn, like a new person, who is now ready to meet "her" Gauranga!

The Holi Pastime

 

The Holi festival of throwing colored powders and shooting fragrant flower rasa from syringes (to bombard one's opponent) takes place in the southeast kunja of Kanchana Sakhi's huge bower named Vasanta sukha-da. Here upon an immense circular stage Priyaji's dasis are busy getting everything ready for today's competition.

 

As ramani mohan Gaurasundar mounts the stage surrounded by a large following of parama sundari Nadiya kishoris, he appears just like Srngara's Rasaraja, or the king of madhura rasa, as his captivating dress and glamorous bodily splendor is mind-stealing to every young girl.

[Here it can be noted that only the nagaris (Gauranga's pretty consorts) fortune to see this topmost display of Svayam Bhagavan's beauty in the form of Sriman Gaurasundar – just as the gopis alone are privileged to see Krishna's supreme beauty in the form of Madanmohan.]

From her vantage point Vishnupriya watches as her sakhis take up pichakaris (jeweled syringes) and colored powder to begin bombarding Gaurasundar in a loving spirit. Although Vamsi-nagari and I watch Priyaji.

When the competition become more fierce, however, Prabhu expands into many prakasa forms to contest each sakhi in one-to-one combat. Upon noticing that Gaura in winning, however, Priyaji decides to launch a counter-attack. So in taking a battalion of her dearest sakhis who will give support to her from all sides, Vishnupriya ascends to the stage. That is when I join Vamsi-sakhi's group to help Priyaji surround Gaurasundar.

But as Prabhu can fathom Vishnupriya's strategy (and see that he is by far outnumbered) he comes up with a plan to divert everyone's attention: He swiftly expands into as many prakasa forms a there are sakhis and starts to single out each pretty ramani in the crowd.

So, as I see that Gaurasundar is solely focusing his attention on me, my attention naturally goes to him alone. And thus his Piriti nagara (secret abode of love) manifests.

Piriti nagara is an inner realm within Gauranga's pastimes where his romantic affairs with his beautiful consorts take place – it is totally separate from the lilas he relishes with the bhaktas.)

Upon noticing that Gaurasundar is becoming totally infatuated with her stunning beauty, Padma priya displays a striking pose that thrills him beyond his farthest expectations! And as this catches him off guard, she quickly shoots her pichakari to splatter his chest with a colorful array of red flower rasa (which can be compared with her heart's constant outpour of loving affection for him)!

When Gaura tries to retaliate, however, every time he aims his pichakari Padma priya swiftly dances aside while singing mind-enticing songs that awaken further his moods of amorous love. So as he repeatedly shoots and simultaneously  gets pelted by Padma priya's Kandarpa sangita he ends up missing nearly every time. For Padma priya's first moving steps and sensational bodily splendour steal away his prowess.

 

Entering the second round, when the sporting begins up close, Gaura and Padma priya each take turns smearing the other's glamorous body with an array of colors. And this is really fun! But there is a price to pay – because when their deep mutual love strongly awakens – this ignites their overriding thirst to unite!

 

Thus Gaurasundar lifts Padma priya into his arms and carries her from the stage. But where will he go? By Yogamaya's arrangement he sees a labyrinth of high green hedge just ahead and enters the maze. Yet all the while as he goes on kissing Padma priya's nectar-lips (again and again) – this might remind one of the way an intoxicated bumblebee extracts honey as it zealously lands upon flower after flower. So as they now appear to be lost in the maze, they similarly lose themselves in the thrilling rasa-ananda of srngara, as well!

 

What Inspires Us to Write Like This?

After reading passages such as the ones found in this essay, we sometimes hear devotees say that the writing is too intimate for a general audience, or that I behave too familiarly with the Supreme Lord and his closest nitya siddha bhaktas whom we intermingle with in these stories.

Perhaps they may be right from a general point of view. But let me explain our purpose because we seriously wish to use this medium to first help our own spiritual advancement, and then that of others.

First of all, by documenting our own personal experiences in lila smaran by writing them down on paper the meditations can become more profound and developed than if we were to simply leave them floating in our mind. And then we can also have something to refer to later that won't become lost. So this is a great help to me.

Yet secondly, by sharing these experiences (which are not for everyone) there are a few readers who truly become inspired by receiving this detailed information about the process of raganuga bhakti sadhana that Bhaktivinoda, Visvanatha Cakravarti and Rupa Goswami only present in codes. You could say that it becomes for them like a quenching drink of water that a thirsty man goes searching for in the desert.

Now for the question of our becoming overly familiar with the Lord and his intimate bhaktas whom we encounter during lila smaran, we can only reply by asking: "Isn't becoming very close to them the very goal of our sadhana? And moreover, it fits the definition of prema bhakti which Rupa Goswami describes as mamatvātisayankita in Bhakti rasamrita Sindhu. In other words, Rupa defines prema as our excessive mamata or feelings of closeness, deep affection and possessiveness for the Lord.

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* A bitika is a specially prepared pan which contains some other delicious ingredients.