Better to love than to be loved.

From 2018, this article seems to never have made it to the blog before. I rather like this picture of Barsana, so I posted in full. I was also rather pleased with some observations from 11 years ago. Confident words about love are not always forthcoming. Facebook memories from June 22

2018 First full day in Barsana

I got in last night and just settled into my rooftop, no heater no cooler but two fans, room at the Radhe Krishna Guest House. I can look one way and see Ladili Lal’s temple and the other side is an open field which opens to the area where Binode Baba has his ashram. There are peacocks who miaul through the night and kokils in the morning.

I just thought I would chill and acclimatize myself to Barsana, which really IS a different world from Vrindavan, no offense to Vrindavan. Vrindavan is simply becoming a somewhat different kind of kshetra as I was trying to explain in my Three Vrindavans article. I will write a article, I think, on Vrindavan as a land of immigrants. Right now immigration is a big issue in most of the world, and it could very possibly become an issue here. The problem is, Can Braj digest the world without becoming too worldly?

Barsana is still very much a Braj town. The foreigners, by which I mean anyone from outside Braj, comes here to get the Braja bhava, and those who don’t, kind of end up taking away from it. That is the way the world changes, and we have to think about what it is that we want to preserve. What is being damaged and destroyed? Let me tell you, my friends, there is no place like Barsana.

I just have a few minutes and too much to fit into that time, so I will only talk about the first part of my day. It is somewhat ironic that I should be sitting here in Barsana and spending the day in Bhaktivinoda’s childhood world. He was married at 12 to a 5 year-old girl. I have been wanting to talk about this for some time. There is actually a draft sitting in my draft drawer about a Rabindranath Tagore called “Boat Wreck” which is an oblique discussion of changing marriage mores in Bengal set in the Brahmo world of the late 19th century, the most anglicized portion of Indian society at that time. And at the same time, the old world of Bengali custom of child marriage. Why did they think it was a good idea?

It is difficult for us to understand, even for an Indian in today’s world to understand what kind of social idea was current in India when such child marriage was the undisputed social norm. Ever since I started thinking about svakiya and parakiya, Love and marriage in India has been one of my interests, even though I can barely claim to understand anything about anything.

One thing I will say is that Barsana is ānanda-maya. I had a good day. I got a lot of work done and I enjoyed the hell out of it. I ate at a free meal ashram, nnd I will go there again, the Ladili Ashram. At 6 I headed up to the temple, marveling at every moment how ecstatic each step was, each vision that fell to my eye, whether it was a tractor in the narrow street, a bunch of old gentlemen playing cards in front of a tiny goshala.

But of course, the best is the temple. I sat down with an enthusiastic group of singers who were really damn good. I got the impression they were probably from outside Braj but very definitely Radha bhaktas. There was some pretty good and blissful dancing. I tell you, Braj is a place to party. You notice my post yesterday about Bhaktivinoda’s description of Ula Birnagar in his memories of childhood. Barsana is that in spades.

Then Binode Baba walked in. He is a kind of bhajan raja. I cannot explain to you. They filled his jatas and covered him in beautiful malas. Ki apurva darshan!

OK, I am off to kirtan. Jai Radhe Shyam.

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2018

[This following posts show that I am no sajjana. Other than the Sanskrit I have really been unable to sustain any class program.]

udayati yadi bhānuḥ paścime dig-vibhāge
vikasati yadi padmaḥ parvatānāṁ śikhāgre |
prajvalati yadi meruḥ śītalaṁ yāti vahniḥ
na calati khalu vākyaṁ sajjanānāṁ kadāpi ||

Should the sun arise in the western sky,
or a lotus flower bloom on a mountain peak,
if Mount Meru should move, or fire become cold,
the promise of an honest man will never be broken.

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2017

In Kolkata after several days in Bangalore participating in Shwaasa Guru's Yoga Day festivities. Hopefully I will be able to take some time to write about it, though already this past is fading away and Birnagar sits ahead. I have to get to work on the Bhakti Sandarbha and will start a regular Bhakti Sandarbha course as soon as I get back. Jai Radhe.

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2016

I have been so crabby the last two days because of the internet situation. And because of the Vrindavan situation. But by Radharani's grace, the company of Vaishnavas has been a salvation for me. Truly. Sewak Sharanji said, "You have to have Vrindavan inside you." Which of course is a bit of a cliché, but when heard from the right mouth can have a calming effect. Jai Radhe.

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2011 Better to love than to be loved.

Yesterday's class on Radha's anurāga ended with a reflection on this verse: 

bhaktir evainaṁ nayati, 

bhaktir evainaṁ darśayati, 

bhakti-vaśaḥ puruṣo 

bhaktir eva bhūyasī ||

Bhakti is greater than Bhagavan. 

The āśraya is greater than the viṣaya. 

Radha is greater than Krishna. 

It is better to love than to be loved.

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This is from the comments discussion that followed this post:

The fact is, despite all the failures of love in the world (and I admit to having failed many times over), the world has no standing without love.

ānandād dhy eva khalv imāni bhūtāni jāyante | 

ānandena jātāni jīvanti | 

ānandaṁ prayanty abhisaṁviśantīti (Tai.U. 3.6). 

Ananda (love) is the source of the universe. The universe continues to exist in Ananda, and at the end it dissolves in Ananda. (The final dissolution). So there is no question that nearly everyone has some intuitive understanding and experience of love.

But like with all things, there is an art to love, yogaḥ karmasu kauśalam. This is called bhakti. Without bhakti, all talk of love is futile.

It starts with the faith that God is Love, that the underlying ground of being is love. And then it follows that there should be sādhanas or practices by which one can experience that. The most important 

sādhana is called "bhāva sādhana." The culture of inner feeling. External sādhanas alone are futile.

Don't sit around waiting for people to love you. Start from the point of gratitude. There is a direct line from gratitude to love.

Don't think that love is a product of reason, either. Pray for love to inform your reason. No amount of logical procedures that exclude the yoga of love will advance your cause.

So I say those who have been loved, make up the love deficit.

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Tarun: It's not a war between loving and being loved... in someones opinion love is greater... but you can't have one without the other!!!

Jagat: Of course, Tarun, what you say is true. The thing is that we are already in a situation where we place our "neediness" above our "expansiveness." The first is a conservative spirit, the latter liberal. This is our problem. It is not that we never have no need.

The need for love is the driving force behind everything, even more than the drive to survive. We survive for the sake of love, out of a hope for love. Our other desires are the result of misplaced intelligence telling us that X or Y are a means to getting love.

In actual fact, love comes from love. And in the state of love, one experiences union, where one's own need and the giving of pleasure to the object of love are undifferentiated. This is called samartha rati.

To complete the thought: We need to redress the balance. When we put our own neediness above our instinct to give, then we fail in our pursuit of love in the sense of being loved. Practical examples are rife. When a beggar comes with a miserable whining voice, we general react to their neediness with a mixture of irritation, pity and revulsion.

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We can learn from all the saints, and of course St. Francis is one of the most inspiring. What is interesting about Radha Krishna bhakti is the emphasis on the sweetness of romantic love, its sacredness, and its unequalled spiritual power. Rupa Goswami says that the madhura-rasa includes all others.

Redressing the balance starts with entering into unity with the world of Vrindavan. Get right with God first.