When will that day be mine?

Three and a half months in Birnagar has come to a sudden and very abrupt change of Dham. I am feeling the intoxication of Vrindavan.

Intoxication is not really permitted in sādhanā, but then again, sādhanā is really about nothing else BUT intoxication. The intoxication of forgetfulness of conventional reality. Which is inevitably accompanied by a fear that one is distancing oneself from the conventional reality of duty and attentiveness to the normative.

When Bhakta Das and I were about to get off the train in Mathura -- he goes to Radha Kund, I to Vrindavan -- he said that he felt it would be lonely going to his cottage in Gaura Dham Colony. He has been relishing the kind of respect and sense of community and purpose that he gets at Dwadash Mandir.

I also felt something like that on arriving here. There we fulfill a role in the service of our Guru, which makes us automatically seen as special, through our relation, through our connection. Here we are specks of dust, luminous nevertheless, in the ujjvala dust of Braj. There, we bring the luminosity for others to bask in.

It is a different world for me here in Vrindavan on multiple levels. Too many to count, in fact.

I wrote about some of this yesterday.

Being driven to DO SOMETHING is dharma. What you are driven by is ahankāra, your ātmābhimāna, who you think you are, on the deepest level. The sādhanā of identity is about attacking on this level, through a two-pronged approach, one being the this-life sādhaka-deha, the other inward, the siddha-deha. There is no question of an identity sādhanā without attention to both. This is an extremely astute psychological insight. But one that is hard to implement, which is why it is called a sādhanā.

At any rate, on the train I was reading a book I picked up about Ananta Vasudeva, aka. Puridas, one of the most controversial figures of the post-Siddhanta Saraswati age. He was acclaimed as Srila Prabhupada's successor on March 26, 1937, and everyone attended the coronation, but later abandoned the Math and his initiation from Siddhanta Saraswati. I picked up the book at the Bagh Bazaar Gaudiya Math, where he is still "Acharyadeva" the first successor of Srila Prabhupada.

The author of the book Harikripa Das, is a disciple of Audulomi Maharaj and a member of the Gaudiya Mission as it was formed and formulated in the post Puridas era, so this biography skates over Puridas' abandonment of his role as Acharya of the Gaudiya Mission.

So the bio is strong on the early life of Ananta Vasudeva and doesn't really bother trying to explain what he did after 1947.

Ananta Vasudeva was born in 1895 in east Bengal. His father and mother were both disciples of Bhaktivinoda Thakur as was his older brother, who later became Bhakti Pradip Tirtha Maharaj. As a result, he was able to visit the Thakur in Kolkata when only 16. Saraswati Thakur was there. His parents no doubt were encouraged by their son's devotion and prompted him to sing something, so he sang the following song, to the delight of the author himself.

This translation is by Dasharath Suta, I believe, attempting to keep the same meter and rhyme scheme, which means it could potentially be sung in English in the same tune. [With apologies to Dasharath Suta Prabhu, I have made a few revisions.]

kabe habe bala se-dina āmāra
(āmāra) aparādha ghuci, śuddha nāme ruci,
kṛpā-bale habe hṛdaẏe sañcāra

When, oh when will that day be mine?
When my offenses ceasing, taste for the name increasing,
when in my heart will your mercy shine,
When, oh when will that day be mine?

tṛṇādhika hīna, kabe nije māni,
sahiṣṇutā-guṇa hṛdaẏete āni
sakale mānada, āpani amānī,
haẏe āsbādiba nāma-rasa-sāra

Lower than a blade of grass, more tolerant than a tree.
When will my mind attain this quality?
Respectful to all, not expecting their honor,
then shall I taste the name’s nectar sublime.
When, oh when will that day be mine?

dhana jana āra, kabitā-sundarī,
baliba nā cāhi deha-sukha-karī
janme-janme dāo, ohe gaurahari!
ahaitukī bhakti caraṇe tomāra

Great wealth or followers, poetic beauty,
I don’t want them, nor comforts of the body.
Birth after birth give me, Oh Gaura Hari,
causeless devotion to Your feet divine:
when, oh when will that day be mine?

(kabe) karite śrī-kṛṣṇa-nāma uccāraṇa,
pulakita deha gadgada bacana
baibarṇẏa-bepathu habe saṅghaṭana,
nirantara netre babe aśru-dhāra

When will I utter Krishna, Krishna, Krishna,
with words choked up and shivering body?
When will tremble all over, lose bodily color,
tears pouring from my eyes:
When, oh when will that day be mine?

kabe nabadbīpe, suradhunī-taṭe,
gaura-nityānanda bali niṣkapaṭe
nāciẏā gāiẏā, beḏāiba chuṭe,
bātulera prāẏa chāḏiẏā bicāra

When in Navadvipa along the Ganges shoals,
shouting ‘Gaura-Nityananda’ as a surrendered soul,
dancing, chanting, running everywhere,
when will I become half mad of mind?
When, O when, will that day be mine?

My version:

When on the banks of the Ganges in Nabadwip
will I sincerely call out "Ha Gaura Nityananda"?
Dancing and singing, I will run hither and thither
practically mad, without care for others !
When, O when, will that day be mine?


kabe nitẏānanda, more kari daẏā,
chāḏāibe mora biṣaẏera māẏā
diẏā more nija-caraṇera chāẏā,
nāmera hāṭete dibe adhikāra

When will Lord Nityananda show mercy upon me,
when will I reject the world of maya?
Bestow unto me the shade of Your lotus feet,
let the right to preach the Name be mine.
When, oh when will that day be mine?

My version:

When will Nityananda be merciful
and release me from my material illusions?
When by giving me the shade of his feet,
will he permit me to attend the market of the Holy Name?
When O when will that day be mine?

kiniba, luṭiba, hari-nāma-rasa,
nāma-rase māti ha-iba bibaśa
rasera rasika-caraṇa paraśa,
kariẏā majiba rase anibāra

I will beg, borrow, or steal the nectar of the name.
By the name’s effect I will feel paralyzed.
Oh! Enjoyer of the nectar of the name,
When will I touch your lotus feet till the end of time?
When, oh when will that day be mine?

kabe jībe daẏā, ha-ibe udaẏa,
nija-sukha bhuli sudīna-hṛdaẏa
bhakatibinoda, kariẏā binaẏa,
śrī-ājñā-ṭahala karibe pracāra

When kindness to all beings will be appearing,
with free heart forget myself comforting,
Bhaktivinoda in all humility prays,
"Now I will set out to preach Your order sublime."
When, oh when will that day be mine?

My version:
When will mercy for the lost souls arise in me,
when in true humility I put a stop to my self-importance?
Bhaktivinoda humbly prays, "When will I preach
Gauranga's order from door to door?
When, O when, will that day be mine?"

Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati, still Bimala Prasad Datta, Siddhanta Saraswati, also expressed his pleasure and encouraged the boy to learn all of Bhaktivinoda Thakur's songs.

As I post this I decided to look for versions of the song on line. Here is the first one that came up. Here's another, by Agnideva. This is the best one I found, sung by a Bengali though still using harmonium. And then an even better one, in classical Gaudiya Math style, only khol-kartal.

Funnily enough, another book I was reading on the train, also from the Gaudiya Mission, was the speeches and articles written and compiled by Ananta Vasudeva in 1938, on the occasion of the 100th appearance day of Bhaktivinoda Thakur. There are a number of different angles of vision, presented in a very intelligent and historically sound manner.

There was a long quotation from an article in Sajjana-toshani, in which the Thakur states his preference for kirtan sung with khol and karatal and without any "western" instruments. The Thakur took quite a conservative stance in this, thinking that the use of these simple original instruments alone is closer to Nitai-Gaura's heart -- more authentic. He also sniffs at modern tunes, saying the traditional ones are the best and dearer to the founder of the sankirtan movement. I think it is almost inevitable that where the knowledge of the language is absent, the musical aspect will dominate. And this results in a new aesthetic that, however beautiful, lacks that authenticity.

Most Gaudiya Maths still follow this system, and I have not yet seen even a harmonium at Dwadash Mandir and we did the 24-hour kirtan without anything other than khol karatal. The difference, I think, is in the relative places taken by the Name and the music. It may be said: the more music, the less Name.

Once again, I have my feet in both boats. I think there is a place for all kinds of musical expression in bhakti, but there is also a place for the more austere and simple kirtan. For those who crave the authentic and original experience. But at the same time, those who know the authentic experience are the ones who can make meaningful musical innovations, if they should want to.


Jagadananda Das said…
Here is a Gaudiya Math version, without harmonium.

Anonymous said…

Jagadananda Das said: “Being driven to DO SOMETHING is dharma.”

Śrīmaccidānandanātha: Let us open this comment by just saying the phrase “Chit Heads!”

It’s amusing how language is perceived relative to the mind’s every-day immersion to Pavlovian conditioning (after all, did this opening statement almost make you decide to immediately not publish this comment without the instantly perceived burden of reading any further…). The Sanskrit word Chit (चित्) of course means “true awareness” in Sanskrit, but by its phonic association (by the minds conditioning) in the English language evokes (the immediate thought of) an entirely different message (a foot in each camp can sometimes cause one to limp a little [smile]).

Words are very important, equally, the true sense of a word should be free of any constraint imposed by social conditioning of its perception (“all is relative to the mind of the observer”).

My person would agree to disagree with your statement “Being driven to DO SOMETHING is dharma”, because the lens of my perception is focused from a different point of view afforded by practice, where in truth “being driven to DO NOTHING is dharma (Sanskrit: धर्म, from the √ dhṛ).”

See: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%E0%A4%A7%E0%A4%B0%E0%A4%A4%E0%A4%BF

And it is the dharma of doing nothing which actually drives the something (i.e., where something comes from nothing).


“Apart from this distinctive feature of the Mālinī School, the other characteristic of the system is its practical yoga. The Mālinī culture understood theory and practice or philosophy and religion as two aspects of one thing. Theory without the inner experience can not live long. Religion with out the theoretical support is lame. In the system, both, jñāna and practice, go side by side.”



What is my person trying to say?

Sometimes a foot in both camps can cause one’s perception to become a little divided in order to look where both feet are (upon the ground) at any one time; the unity of both feet placed firmly elevated upon one’s own head can afford a completely unobscured view when both feet are placed firmly together…
Jagadananda Das said…
codanA-lakSaNo dharmaH.

When this is the three gunas, it is the dharma that one renounces.

When it is the svarupa Shakti, it is the dharma of the soul.

Being of two minds about anything awakens the necessity for synthesis. Synthesis is the art of shravana in the mind, manana for the intellect, nididhyAsana for the soul.

Everywhere you look there are dualities in need of synthesis. But only when one has gone beyond them is it possible to do so without mental or intellectual effort.

That is where we aim.

Jagadananda Das said…
Anyway, I don't know of any system that does not agree with Malini Tantra.
Anonymous said…

Śrīmaccidānandanātha: Yes, "Codana-laksano 'rtho dharmah."

The Mimamsa Sutra consists of twelve chapters (representing the twelve cranial nerves which immerge directly from the Human brain in pairs bound to the six senses). One must in this "injunction" (unite together within) to become free of such ligatures (that act as ligatures to tether the energy of the breath).



Paśu - The tethered beast

When is a beast not a beast?

When it is the breath.

The English word 'Beast', via Latin Bēstia, from Proto-Indo-European dʰwēs-tiā, and the root dʰwēs- ‎(“to breathe”‎).

See https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/bestia
Anonymous said…

Rise above Pavlov's drooling dog:


The figure above the dog is 'Batuka' (whom incidentally, also has 108 names), see:

An update of this topic, which requires a little more work (read through all the links).

Quote: "Second-hand knowledge of the self gathered from books or gurus can never emancipate a man until its truth is rightly investigated and applied; only direct realisation will do that. Realise yourself, turning the mind inward." - Tripura Rahasya, 18: 89

Source: http://shivashakti.com/

See "The Six Platonic Solids": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJ7uOj2LRso





Further Relative Notes





My person had the good fortune to be reminded of a quote from the Ἐγχειρίδιον Ἐπικτήτου (Enchiridion of Epictetus):

“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.”

First, read the UK Column article “We are all Pavlov’s dogs now:”


And then, watch the UK Column News – 19th May 2021:


A microcosm of the macrocosm…


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