Worklife Resumes
My attention span seems to last approximately three minutes since GN left. But slowly my center is returning. The warm weather is back and the baking heat is to my liking. I like walking outside to the corner store barefoot, in just a babaji sarong.
Like many men, I use work as an escape from life. I have actually countless escapes from life. I am a real fire gazer. But that is the true grace of being alone, is that you can seek out a fire in which to gaze and find the Glory of God therein.
Of late I have been working on Kṛṣṇa-sandarbha and, for the past few days, Tattva-sandarbha. We are hustling to complete the Jiva Institute editions. Satya Narayan Dasji has now found a generous donor who is willing to subsidize the entire project, so a new, revised and updated edition of the Tattva-sandarbha will be published along with Bhagavat-sandarbha, which is the first of the books that I helped with.
Paramātma-sandarbha is currently in the able hands of the third member of our team, Navadvipa Das, and is well on its way to completion. Babaji recently finished writing his updated commentary on the Kṛṣṇa-sandarbha and I have been working on the Sanskrit text and translation, as I did with the previous two volumes.
Hopefully, KS will not present as many complications as the previous ones, by which I mean, learning complications. Certainly there are some spots where Sri Jiva engages in a little enthusiastic flurry of pāṇḍitya, citing examples from mīmāṁsā and especially nyāya, wherever he needs it to make a point, and then switches back to his more straightforward themes. And my retention is terrible, so it is good that Satya Narayan is ahead of me on the curve here. Way ahead, to be honest. I have been spending too much time reading about moon-faces and shy, sidelong, coquettish glances.
I am still trying to complete my education. I was joking with Babaji about how, when I finished my BA and did not know where I was going exactly, I took and passed the exams for the Canadian Civil Service and was invited for an interview at the old post office building on the corner of St.Antoine and Atwater.
The government people had set up a kind of real-life bureaucratic meeting. We were given a sheaf of papers dealing with various municipal projects and the problems involved, and then we were placed in a meeting situation with other candidates and told to come to decisions about all these issues facing the "town." Meanwhile, we were being observed on CC cameras by the interviewing team.
That day we were given assessments, at least I got mine, which was very nice of them to do. Instant feedback, rate you and tell you the reasons you messed up. "Come again next year and try again!" The main reason I was refused was because I kept trying to put decisions off, sending things back to committee for more study and so on. I would have been a real nightmare as a bureaucrat in any department. I'll pass the buck every time and wait for something besides shit to fall.
Anyway... in the meanstwhile...
The Yoga-sūtra work looks like more of a challenge and I am still acclimatizing myself to the subjects and language of that commentarial tradition. There is a big difference between Yoga-taraṅgiṇī and this, the word yoga is in both, but the preoccupations are quite different, as practice and theory.
Swamiji has been ambitiously attacking this monumental project of collating all the commentaries of Yoga-sūtra into one compendium and then analyzing and pronouncing on the different interpretations from his own insight. The combination of knowledge and practice that Swamiji has is rare. Unfortunately, his health is steadily deteriorating, but he is determined to finish this life's project -- he is currently on the Third Pada -- and wants me to help him. Heaven help me!!
But as already intimated, I have decided for some insane reason that I also want to "complete my education." I also feel indebted to Swamiji for numerous reasons, about which I will write one day, and so I consider this a guru-sevā. Just as I do my service to Satya Narayan Dasji, whose service is to Sri Jiva Goswami.
Both in their own way serve their paramparās. It is my honor to do my little bit, which seems rather insignificant from my point of view. But if they feel it is of any service, I am pleased to serve the traditions and receive my blessings in those respective paramparās.
This is the meaning of freedom -- to be able to serve the Guru. To be able to follow one's dharma. To be able to do the most selfish act in the world, to do what one loves, whereby one can learn, and have it appreciated by others. What is a greater grace than that?
* * * * *
Sanjay Shastri posted this verse on his Facebook wall a few days back.
स्तुवन्ति श्रान्तास्याः क्षितिपतिमभूतैरपि गुणैः
प्रवाचः कार्पण्याद्यदवितथवाचोऽपि पुरुषाः |
प्रभावस्तृष्णायाः स खलु सकलः स्यादितरथा
निरीहाणामीशस्तृणमिव तिरस्कारविषयः ||
stuvanti śrāntāsyāḥ kṣitipatim abhūtair api guṇaiḥ
pravācaḥ kārpaṇyād yad avitatha-vāco'pi puruṣāḥ |
prabhāvas tṛṣṇāyāḥ sa khalu sakalaḥ syād itarathā
nirīhāṇām īśas tṛṇam iva tiraskāra-viṣayaḥ ||
कामादीनां कति न कतिधा पालिता दुर्निदेशा-
स्तेषां जाता मयि न करुणा न त्रपा नोपशान्तिः |
उत्सृज्यैतानथ यदुपते साम्प्रतं लब्धबुद्धि-
स्त्वामायातः शरणमभयं मां नियुङ्क्ष्यात्मदास्ये ||
kāmādīnāṁ kati na katidhā pālitā durnideśās
teṣāṁ jātā mayi na karuṇā na trapā nopaśāntiḥ
utsṛjyaitān atha yadupate sāmprataṁ labdha-buddhis
tvām āyātaḥ śaraṇam abhayaṁ māṁ niyuṅkṣyātma-dāsye
Like many men, I use work as an escape from life. I have actually countless escapes from life. I am a real fire gazer. But that is the true grace of being alone, is that you can seek out a fire in which to gaze and find the Glory of God therein.
Of late I have been working on Kṛṣṇa-sandarbha and, for the past few days, Tattva-sandarbha. We are hustling to complete the Jiva Institute editions. Satya Narayan Dasji has now found a generous donor who is willing to subsidize the entire project, so a new, revised and updated edition of the Tattva-sandarbha will be published along with Bhagavat-sandarbha, which is the first of the books that I helped with.
Paramātma-sandarbha is currently in the able hands of the third member of our team, Navadvipa Das, and is well on its way to completion. Babaji recently finished writing his updated commentary on the Kṛṣṇa-sandarbha and I have been working on the Sanskrit text and translation, as I did with the previous two volumes.
Hopefully, KS will not present as many complications as the previous ones, by which I mean, learning complications. Certainly there are some spots where Sri Jiva engages in a little enthusiastic flurry of pāṇḍitya, citing examples from mīmāṁsā and especially nyāya, wherever he needs it to make a point, and then switches back to his more straightforward themes. And my retention is terrible, so it is good that Satya Narayan is ahead of me on the curve here. Way ahead, to be honest. I have been spending too much time reading about moon-faces and shy, sidelong, coquettish glances.
I am still trying to complete my education. I was joking with Babaji about how, when I finished my BA and did not know where I was going exactly, I took and passed the exams for the Canadian Civil Service and was invited for an interview at the old post office building on the corner of St.Antoine and Atwater.
The government people had set up a kind of real-life bureaucratic meeting. We were given a sheaf of papers dealing with various municipal projects and the problems involved, and then we were placed in a meeting situation with other candidates and told to come to decisions about all these issues facing the "town." Meanwhile, we were being observed on CC cameras by the interviewing team.
That day we were given assessments, at least I got mine, which was very nice of them to do. Instant feedback, rate you and tell you the reasons you messed up. "Come again next year and try again!" The main reason I was refused was because I kept trying to put decisions off, sending things back to committee for more study and so on. I would have been a real nightmare as a bureaucrat in any department. I'll pass the buck every time and wait for something besides shit to fall.
Anyway... in the meanstwhile...
The Yoga-sūtra work looks like more of a challenge and I am still acclimatizing myself to the subjects and language of that commentarial tradition. There is a big difference between Yoga-taraṅgiṇī and this, the word yoga is in both, but the preoccupations are quite different, as practice and theory.
Swamiji has been ambitiously attacking this monumental project of collating all the commentaries of Yoga-sūtra into one compendium and then analyzing and pronouncing on the different interpretations from his own insight. The combination of knowledge and practice that Swamiji has is rare. Unfortunately, his health is steadily deteriorating, but he is determined to finish this life's project -- he is currently on the Third Pada -- and wants me to help him. Heaven help me!!
But as already intimated, I have decided for some insane reason that I also want to "complete my education." I also feel indebted to Swamiji for numerous reasons, about which I will write one day, and so I consider this a guru-sevā. Just as I do my service to Satya Narayan Dasji, whose service is to Sri Jiva Goswami.
Both in their own way serve their paramparās. It is my honor to do my little bit, which seems rather insignificant from my point of view. But if they feel it is of any service, I am pleased to serve the traditions and receive my blessings in those respective paramparās.
This is the meaning of freedom -- to be able to serve the Guru. To be able to follow one's dharma. To be able to do the most selfish act in the world, to do what one loves, whereby one can learn, and have it appreciated by others. What is a greater grace than that?
Sanjay Shastri posted this verse on his Facebook wall a few days back.
प्रवाचः कार्पण्याद्यदवितथवाचोऽपि पुरुषाः |
प्रभावस्तृष्णायाः स खलु सकलः स्यादितरथा
निरीहाणामीशस्तृणमिव तिरस्कारविषयः ||
stuvanti śrāntāsyāḥ kṣitipatim abhūtair api guṇaiḥ
pravācaḥ kārpaṇyād yad avitatha-vāco'pi puruṣāḥ |
prabhāvas tṛṣṇāyāḥ sa khalu sakalaḥ syād itarathā
nirīhāṇām īśas tṛṇam iva tiraskāra-viṣayaḥ ||
That even men of true speech become timid chatterboxes and extol with weary tongues the king [their bosses] with empty virtues is surely the complete influence of desire. Otherwise, for people free of desire, a lord is as worthless as a straw.I figured Shastriji is struggling with a job situation. Anyway, it reminded me of the following old favorite of mine, taken by Sri Rupa from a work I don't know called Aparādha-bhañjana. It is also quoted in Caitanya-caritāmṛta:
स्तेषां जाता मयि न करुणा न त्रपा नोपशान्तिः |
उत्सृज्यैतानथ यदुपते साम्प्रतं लब्धबुद्धि-
स्त्वामायातः शरणमभयं मां नियुङ्क्ष्यात्मदास्ये ||
kāmādīnāṁ kati na katidhā pālitā durnideśās
teṣāṁ jātā mayi na karuṇā na trapā nopaśāntiḥ
utsṛjyaitān atha yadupate sāmprataṁ labdha-buddhis
tvām āyātaḥ śaraṇam abhayaṁ māṁ niyuṅkṣyātma-dāsye
I carried out so many evil orders given me by my wicked masters, lust, anger, greed, bewilderment, intoxicaton and envy, that I have lost count. Yet these masters have never taken pity on me despite my faithful service. And I am so shameless that the faintest desire for devotional service has never once manifested in my heart. Be that as it may, O Lord of the Yadus, I have finally come to my senses today and I throw off my shackles to take shelter of your fearless lotus feet -- please engage me in your personal service. (BRS 3.2.25, CC 2.22.16)Which, when you think of it, is a royal "up yours!"
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